Kids these days - y'all need the Bible and the Belt

Security Services Direktor Wayne Eisenhuth Security Services Direktor Wayne Eisenhuth

Ain't nuthin I hate more than kids givin' me guff. Those little squirts what write this yellow rag told me they wanted sumthin'. I'll give 'em sumthin' all right - a swift kick to the seat of the pants. See, these kids these days got no respect for values. When I was growin' up, it was the Bible and the belt. If you goofed off or passed notes in class and Daddy got wind of it, he'd sit you down and read a passage from the Good Book. Then, when he was finished, he'd take his belt off and whup yore ass but good. I'm not sayin' it was the best way to raise a boy, but it sure worked. But that was only for little stuff - not listenin' to my mother, or stealin' pies - that sorta thing.

"But when Daddy caught me in the back of his Studebaker with that I-talian girl, Dominique was her name, well he up and packed me off to military school. Straightened my ass right out, that did. Some of these kids these days - all money and no manners - they'd learn a lesson real quick if they got the business end of the strap, like my old man did to me.

Not to mention the dresses you see on girls nowadays. I saw one t'other day, one 'o them Oriental gals, why she had a dress on you could damn near see through, and in the middle of November, too. One o' them little frilly things, all lace and hearts and things. And skirts? Well, my gawd. Half the time these gals they got now's wearing jeans and sittin' with they legs open for all the world to see - you'da thought they mothers woulda taught 'em how to dress proper-like. And to top it off, ya got them flits, them whaddyacallem, them bisexuals - why, those boys can't stop talking and wavin' they arms around like they heads is on fire. And runnin' around talking reeeal high and squeaky-like, and laughin' fit to beat the band. Only folks as dresses decent nowadays is them hippies, some o' them. And half the time they talkin' about soybeans and whatnot, and driving them little go-carts, them 'hybrids' they come out with. If it ain't got six cylinders I ain't a-gonna drive it, and if it didn' moo ya better not put it on my plate, for chrissakes.

Like I said, these kids these days - they need to straighten up and fly right. Quit that rave dancin' and all that rap talk. An' them gals hikin' up they skirts for all the world to see. And spittin' in public like common tramps. Like I say, they could all use a taste of the cowhide. That, and some soap to wash they dirty mouths out. Kids these days - I just dun'know. Like I said, world's a'goin' to hell in a handbasket.