In Other News...
Student violated by Eighth Week
"It was horrible," said sophomore Brendan Hughes of his recent encounter with eighth week. "I still wonder if its my fault, somehow." Hughes, an economics major who recently returned from a semester abroad, shared his experience with our reporters from his berth at the Northfield Hospital.
"I should have known. I mean, I saw it coming. Seventh Week had its way with me - worked me over, slapped me in the face afterwards and made me sleep in the bathroom. Somehow I thought this would be different. And I can't stop thinking that it could have worked, if only I had tried a little harder." Hughes, who refused further comment, was found Wednesday in his Watson single, bound and gagged and bleeding from blunt trauma wounds to the head - not to mention his cleft asshole. When floor members missed Hughes at dinner, they returned to find his door ajar, and their friend face-down in his calculus notes, pants around his ankles.
"It was horrible," said floormate Sara Hollinger '04. "All that blood."
Other students, who had reasoned that Hughes would be 'okay with Eighth Week' were amazed at the extent of the carnage. "He's done it before - Eighth Week, I mean," said a close friend "He keeps going back to it - I don't understand why. Maybe after this, he'll finally learn his lesson. I don't know, though. It just doesn't seem right."
Once again something went horribly awry. "I was used," said a trembling, ashen-faced Hughes. "Treated like a piece of meat."
Security Services is investigating the incident, and encourages those who may have witnessed similar events to come forward with their stories. "This aggression will not stand," said Direktor Wayne Eisenhuth in a statement released early this morning. "Its time to draw a line in the sand."